So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
