I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
