Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
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Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
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But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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