Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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