2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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