I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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