I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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