Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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