Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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