Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
