I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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