I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
