tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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