Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
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He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
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It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm like, not good at living.
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