she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
