is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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