a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
