I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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