I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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