Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
