Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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