i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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