she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
