do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
