Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
