Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize