You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
