There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
