sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
