I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize