I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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