either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
