so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
