i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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