I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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