Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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