hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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