You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
