I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
