Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
