There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
