you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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