My room smells like vodka and shame
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
