Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
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