it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
