i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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