so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
