Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
