Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
