I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
