Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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