I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
