we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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