I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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