shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
