Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
