tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
