this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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