my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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