I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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