I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
