We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i've created a new STD.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
