Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My penis needs a shock collar
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
