my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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