Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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