turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
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i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
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